Once in everyone’s lifetime, at least once, we’ll experience the ultimate shix…m not talking bout those silly childish fb or twitter BS…naaah…m talking bout real shix here…well-formed shix….What some people call ‘byproducts of digestion’, some of which come out thick, loose, and in different colours. This particular ‘ultimate’ shix also doesnt come out in a particular way, well known for its diverse nature. theres a similarity in everyone’s case tho-everyone of the over 6billion people in this world – the fact that the shix considers not one’s age, status, wealth, religion, gender or even present environment – that ultimate shix, indeed! If you havnt experienced this particular type of shix, meeeehn, ur either not human or Sango’s saving the worst for you. I remember sometime in my junior secondary school. The last day of the term i think. trust Q.C babes, one million and one ‘junks’ to take home, afterall, it was the last day of school. Another feature of the day was that both gates were usually extremely full, i think back gate especially, where Seyi had available one of the best ever made barbeque for sale. I had to chill for Mr. Azeez (our F1-compliant driver) to come take me home. Seyi’s corner was always too tempting and almost irresistible. Anyways, since Mr. Azeez decided to come later than usual, and chic had more than enough doe, i opted for Seyi’s ‘point and roast’ barbeque. Those thick tantalizing ketch-up ridden turkey parts were never ready made. You had to wait till its done. I didnt mind at all until my cute ‘ciara-looking’ stomach started singing praise songs to eledumare himself. Barbeque no gree ready, Mr. Azeez sef no gree come. Seyi’s stall, luckily, started seeming empty as many students were leaving already. It felt like i had a concert or circus or something going on in my belly. It rambled faster as the turkey parts deeped in dripping tomato-pepper-and-whatever-mixture made contact with the fire underneath the grill. Damn! what a smell emanated from the synergy. I couldnt help but dance to the tunes with my butts. After so much adjusting my big butts and stuff, one or two hot stuff dropped in my i think ‘flirtitude’ panties. Y’all know what happens after that kinda thing drops yeah? Yes! Mosquitoes start flying the fuck around!!! It’s like the smell starts gradually too, first seeking permission to start, then without caution, it’s all over the place. Fxcking smell!!!! Seyi and some of his customers started passing comments and doing the hand-on-nose gesture as if it stops the smell. *hian* I dont know if anyone present there that day thought the smelll came from me. At this time, i was cursing Mr. Azeez already for coming so late. After a while of feeling a little bit relaxed, the real devils in my stomach decided to fully occupy their territory, and the Ultimate happened! Yeah, the Ultimate Shix dropped, SILENTLY! and like a woman who had just delivered after several hours of serious labour, i felt a relief. Then the mosquitoes really started, the smell had finally oozed out too and a miracle happened next, Mr. Azeez showed up, just right beside me!!! I cant remember if i took the barbeque away or not….My sorry axx was up till i got home o!!! And everyone in the car had a share of my ‘nina-ricci’ signatured scent….I remember Mr. Azeez didnt stop looking back through the inner mirror to see if everything and everyone was ‘alright’…. No one said anything about the day tho!
I know y’all can relate to this piece of shix… You may share your ‘ultimate’ shitty moment(s), if u so wish!